4.24.2012

"You Have to Marry Rich!"

The title of this post may be misleading because this post will not be about how you have to marry someone rich, but it's a saying that I've heard far too many times as I was growing up. I find it ironic that my parents and grandma were quick to instill a strong work ethic such as hammering the fact that good grades will get you a good job which leads to a secure and safe future. On the other hand, they were quick to say that I should "marry rich."

It's pretty sad to look at a lot of young girls and how they aspire to be trophy wives. Maybe I see it a lot portrayed in the media, but a lot of my friends would joke around and say that they were just going to marry a rich man. In this economy, I'd presume it would be much harder to just find a rich man to marry. Most people I know met their significant others in college or before that. At that point in time, aren't most people building their careers? Isn't it much harder to date when you're working? Especially if you're a male in a male-dominated field or vice versa? How can we just find a rich man or woman to marry?

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Do I Really Want to Marry Rich?

When I was inundated with the "marry rich" advice, it never occurred to me that I would aspire to be some rich man's wife. I wanted to have my own career and my own money to spend. I didn't want to be dependent on anyone, let alone the man that I would marry. To me, love is something that is genuine and should be something that is strengthened with time and effort. Yet, money seems to be a major factor in making or breaking relationships.

My BF now actually comes from a more economically disadvantaged background. His mom is a stay at home mom (nothing wrong with that) and his dad has been the sole provider. I don't think his mom married his dad because he was rich, but they came to the U.S. together to build a new life together, and back then, it was totally doable to live off of one income of about $60k. They were able to buy a nice house in a beautiful neighborhood and raise 3 kids.

These days, with both my BF's income and mine, totaling over $90k, we are not qualified to buy even a small house in the same exact location. We are worried about providing for just one or 2 kids with dual incomes. In my head, I keep hearing what my parents told me and now I totally get why they always wanted me to marry rich. They had this idea that I would be set for life, and that money = happiness. Yet, when it comes down to it, I'd choose the life I'm living now than marrying someone just because they are rich.

Why I Don't Want to Marry Rich (for the sole purpose of money)

1. I enjoy working with my BF and how we are able to discuss the future and finances. It is great practice for working as a team and thinking through our differences. When we discuss financials and vent about what we are worried about, it helps us build a bond together.

2. Because we are both on the same page financially, neither BF or I feel insecure about who is the sole provider. I think if I were with a rich dude (solely for money only), I'd feel inferior and I'd feel like I wasn't contributing enough. Edited to add: If I were a stay at home mom, I wouldn't feel this way because it would be a joint decision and being a SAHM is a huge job in and of itself. I'd love to be one if we could afford it.

3. I'd feel like a gold digger, and quite honestly, who wants to feel that way?

4. I like to make my own money and I like to feel accomplished. The positive feedback and reinforcement you get by working is incomparable to anything else. I feel confident in my abilities.

5. Mo' money mo' problems. Haven't you heard that song by P. Diddy?

I think money comes after love. With no love in a relationship, how would it work? I may sound naive, but if you really want to make things work, it can happen. Of course, I'm still young so I have no idea what I will be saying in the future and I'm sure it doesn't always work this way. My parents are a prime example of how love turned sour because of money. Now, if my mom married my dad because he was rich, I honestly think that divorce would have still been inevitable, but that's another post of it's own that I'll get to some time.

What are your thoughts? Do you wish you could just marry someone rich and stop working?

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