10.09.2013

Falling Back into the Black Hole

I need to come clean. I have fallen into the black hole that is shopping, and I mean shopping. Having no income and living solely off of student loans is not good for my shopping habits, not good AT ALL. The reason why I first fell into the black hole of shopping often is because I was bored. I was bored in college and I had nothing else to do. It later became a hobby, and I started buying and selling often, going on treasure hunts and thrift shopping to find cool vintage things to sell. Later it turned into an unhealthy obsession with finding unlimited designer bags and shoes.

Well now....now, I've been turning to it because I am completely stressed out. I spoke to my counselor about how stressed I am with school and she mentioned something about avoidance behavior. It's completely normal for people to avoid doing work because they are stressed out. These past few weeks have been absolute hell for me. I procrastinated on my appellate brief for as long as I could until it hit me that I only had a week to tighten up my research and write the dang thing. I just submitted my brief last Thursday and finished the first draft of our contract for our moot court competition. I had a quiz last week and I have another midterm this Thursday, followed by a quiz next week, an oral argument the week after that, and a bunch of sparring sessions for our negotiating competition in November. It is only getting worse and worse on the school front.

My avoidance technique of choice has been SHOPPING. I cannot help turning to shopping online at night when I am stressed the F out. Why? It's easier than crying and it's easier to focus my attention on something that makes me happy rather than something that just depresses me. I also try to turn to exercising but I end up tiring myself out because I end up working out too much. Shopping can take only a few minutes and you don't have to go anywhere.

So let's talk about the damage shall we? I'm almost afraid to think about it. I've purchased a blush from MAC ~$25, a few drugstore make-up products from Ulta (mascara, foundation, concealer) ~$50, some Fall clothes from Old Navy ~$90, ankle boots from Charlotte Russe ~$50, and 2 massages ~$150. This is all within the past 2 months and I am probably missing a few little things that I can't even remember. I know, it's completely excessive, but I just can't find the strength to resist. Why do things seem more enticing when I'm stressed? Why does shopping help ease the pain of law school so much?! It's funny, I talk to my law school friends and they are the same way. Retail therapy is really that....retail therapy.

So this is it guys. I need to stop, and I need your help. What should I do? Btw, I am not using student loans to pay for all this stuff. My dad gives me money each month but instead of saving it like I usually do, I've somehow convinced myself otherwise. I need to get back on the saving bandwagon. I am not making any income right now!! Also, this will bite me in the butt when I get a job and realize I could have saved all this money. It's just been so easy to keep spending when I've already opened the door, and this semester has been the most stressful time of my entire life...I'm not exaggerating. I can't wait for this semester to just end.

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